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So I just turned 33, as I reflect back on 32, nothing much in my life has changed.
I mean don’t get me wrong there has been some mind shifts .. but everything looks the same.
I’m determined to see difference – hence #Project33.
33 weeks from today— I pray I am in a different space mentally physically and especially spiritually.
Wish me luck!
I’m going to practice meditation, surrender and being fully submerged in the present moment.
Taking each day as the gift it is.
We go through life on a daily basis not always recognizing things of importance. So focused on the finish line we forget the importance of enjoying the race.
Well let me not say we, I go through life not always recognizing things of importance. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat race living in NYC .. Or maybe anywhere … Yet that’s what being a human is perceived to be about, work to make a living..& try to have a much fun as possible on the weekend, because Monday thru Friday it’s back to the race..& everyone’s goal is to finish first.
But the deepest parts of me yearn for a better way of living. Quite often in my mind I imagine being the woman that awakes at 5am fully rested .. That sips tea.. Reads a daily scripture .. And gives 20 minutes to stillness .. Yet that’s not how my morning’s usually go. It’s more like .. Prying my self out of bed and directly to the shower at 5:45am followed by…throwing hot water and a tea bag inside a travel mug… And headed out the door and to the train station.. Where I then in the midst of crowded strangers on a subway .. Read a word from my kindle bible on my cell phone.
I always pause and take a look around the subway.. Everyone is seemingly tired .. Or plugged in … And the others are reading like myself.
So I always question is this it…. Is this what good ole life is all about? Is this the gift?
Truthfully I know the gifts that are unraveled in life on a daily basis .. Are the things we give the least attention.
Today I’m vowing to myself to live a more full life. To appreciate all those moments that usually go unnoticed. No longer can my thought process be focused only on the finish line.
Just in case you need to know what the finish line thoughts are, let me share:
“I can’t wait till Friday .. Or is it Friday yet?
“When I get my degree ..& when I meet my soul Mate”
“If only I get out of this dark phase .. Etc”
Those things.. In which we’re passing our life by.. Because we’re speeding towards the finish line.
Imagine a real race.. Your train for it.. Along the route there’s snacks (preferably good ole carbs) to replenish .. And in the end while crossing that line .. You cherish .. Victory!
A lot had to take place to ensure that victory.
So why hurry to the finish line?
Why not appreciate the long days at work or school ( the training process ..or the relationship encounters.. The friendship (before the marriage) why not enjoy those tiny moments that we don’t get back.. Once you reach the end it’s over! And I sure as hell don’t want it to be over no time soon.
Yea it’s tough..and some days are harder than others.. But my hopes is that I enjoy on a continuous basis the right now moments.
Time moves fast all by it self .. It sure doesn’t need my help.
I’m in the process of transition. Everything seemingly is spiraling out of control. I’m getting lost .. And that brings about hopelessness. However I’m choosing to hold on to the mere thought of being still. I have no control of the external adversity, yet I do have control of my internal peace. I read a lot so I’m very familiar with the above statement. I began this journey by asking simple questions, to let’s say the inner me.
So how does this stillness thing work? I question… Should I just sit here? Stillness answers ..yes you should. Hmmm. I think.. Really, what will just sitting here do? Calmly, stillness speaks, just sit there. Well isn’t that irresponsible?
Stillness answers.. No it’s not.
I think… Stillness responds .. Stop thinking..
Outrageous! I exclaim, what do you mean stop thinking. Honey .. Stillness is your friend.
If everything is moving …you’ll move with it. You are apart of everything, don’t resist it.
I’m apart of everything, well it sure doesn’t feel like it.
Tell me, why do you feel like you aren’t apart of everything, the entire make up of life is all for you, how could you not be apart of it?
None of the things that surrounds me are apart of me or for me. It seems like everything is working against me. Let me give you some examples. Time. Im always late. Money. I don’t ever seem to have enough. Space. Never enough. Freedom. Please I feel so stuck. And Love lastly.. Is very limited here, I don’t even trust people.
Stillness responds are u done?
Yes I presume.
All of the things mentioned are your thoughts, You are making what you feel, true to you.
Well .. It is! Stillness responds no honey it isn’t.
What’s up with you calling me honey? I questioned.. Stillness response , haha your sweet .. Just like honey, I know you personally.. And your sweetness sticks to all those whom you will and have ever encountered.
I’m at a lost for words, but back to this stillness thing; are you stillness?
I stillness am here with you always. I to am apart of you.
You to are apart of me. Explain that please.
I am here, always have been, always will be from the beginning of time.
Why we need it …..??
We need it because it fills us. Every empty space is filled with love so as long as you let it.
Imagine that, four letters that makes up 1 word,
When used in the right context
can change a whole force field.
How is that possible!?
It’s possible because we we’re created in Love
from Creation to Conception
intimacy is a powerful use of love
& we desire it ..we crave it… We do all sorts of perplexed things for the fufillment of Love!
Its a high like no other ….I am officially addicted to it.
I live to be a advocate for Love!
Late start to my Monday but it’s 7am and I’m wide awake …the weather is crappy so I’m not to excited to travel, however the case I’m making my way to the work place.
I never know what the day holds for me, but I’m ready to embrace it with open arms.
Little did I know today would be my lucky day!
Since the weather is rainy I’ve decided to wear an old rain coat I have in my closet which I haven’t worn for years …& to my surprise inside a pocket was 1 golden key.
I have no recollection of this keys and I’m wondering what does it give me access to.
Then in a sudden moment of stillness… I become aware…that this key that I now hold is the key….it’s the key to the white building in which mental freedom lies.
I finally have access to the golden key !!
Everyone here is in a time warp stuck in the unconscious of their beings
Different roles are played by the day…….
First I have to be a mother than I have to be a friend ..now I have to be a wife
A friendly co worker
When in all reality, I would just like to BE….
Who the hell am I?
& When did I get lost ?
All my answers will be answered finally…
Today the unknown will be made known. I have finally been granted ..the key that will change everything!
Prayers were answered & the heavens have opened up!
I’m going to take this priceless golden key and open the door to Mental freedom.
No longer will I be in bondage, Mental freedom comes with everlasting joy and peace.
When your mind reaches such a state …your existence becomes worth it …
Here I’ll find a place of no worries or sorrows …can you say Bliss!!!
I’ve been seeking this freedom for so long ..but the key was lost and to my surprise today is the day it has been found!
If I ever knew the search would be so simple …I thought my day would be the same ..but nope not today ..
Today with this key in my hand I am enlightened to the possibilities that life has to offer me.
Life, I turned 30 last month, and even though I’d say my awakening (to what life meant to me) happened at 24(roughly) …I find my self (unidentified with ego) sitting here wondering ….what’s it all for?
Every Morning I awake (gratefully of course)..preparing my self for the hustle and bustle of my day. I go to a job that I feel no longer fulfills me spiritually or physically …(however it pays the bills..(so I assume) because bills are always due (lol)…
After work I sit in a classroom and absorb information, that I hope will pay off in the end.. You know benefit me in more ways then being knowledgable in a particular subject.
Then finally it’s 10pm and I’m back in my apartment thankful for a completed day until tomorrow.
Is this all life is?
I sit and I wonder …. & I’m convinced that it’s not! This robotic type of living is not living at all. It draining and silly. Now I know maybe one would say, the strides I’m taking are steps towards a greater future, & though that maybe my goal …. It sure as heck doesn’t feel like it. Why would I want to waste so much of my time doing things that aren’t making me happy, is what I questioned ..? What is allowing me to be stagnated when it comes to choosing to do things in my life that brings me joy.
Why am I & so many others, so paralyzed when it comes to taking a step into the unknown for the sake of familiarity?
I imagine life to be a freeing experience, where everyday is not the same (even though in technicality it’s not) but the day wouldn’t look the same or feel the same.
Where deposits of joy & laughter are often. A day that is not filled with nothingness, a day that one will grasp the full understanding of life.
So now the question becomes how do I attain the above? How do I find joy in every different day of life and soak it up in it’s presence and acknowledge it?
Life is all for experience! Your life.Your Journey. Your experience.
The key is to experience what you yearn to experience with your life!
Be Fulfilled…your life is waiting on you!